Domestic Violence
Emergency Help: Domestic Violence
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
A Checklist
Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it's abuse.
Does your partner....
____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of friends or family?
____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
____ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
____ Tell you that you are nothing without them?
____ Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
____ Call you to make sure you are where you said you would be?
____ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for abusive behavior?
____ Blame you for how they feel or act?
____ Pressure you sexually for things you arenÕt ready for?
____ Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
____ Prevent you from doing things you want?
____ Try to keep you from leaving after a fight?
____ Leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"?
Do You...
____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
____ Constantly make excuses for your partner's behavior?
____ Believe that you can help your partner change if you do?
____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict?
____ Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy?
____ Always do what your partner wants you to do?
____ Stay with your partner because you are afraid to leave?
If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Call the Shelter for Help in Emergency at 293-8598. Without some help, the abuse will continue.
Borrowed from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence web page. Adapted from Reaching and Teaching Teens to Stop Violence, Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition, Lincoln, NE.
Emergency Help: Domestic Violence
Creating A Safety Plan
The following guidelines come from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:
If you are still in the relationship:
1. Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs - avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
2. Think about and make a list of safe people to contact.
3. Keep change with you at all times.
4. Memorize all important numbers.
5. Establish a "code word or sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
6. Think about what you will say to your partner if he/she becomes violent.
7. Remember you have the right to live without fear and violence.
8. Have a set of clothes for yourself and for your children stored at a friend's house or at work in the event you need to flee your house.
9. Keep sets of important documents (savings account records/check books/safety deposit keys), birth certificates, school records, deeds, other legal documents) away from your house in a safe place that only you can access.
If you have left the relationship:
1. Change your phone number.
2. Screen calls.
3. Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving your significant other.
4. Change locks, if the batterer has a key.
5. Avoid staying alone.
6. Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
7. If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place with a family member or friend close by or present.
8. Vary your routine.
9. Notify school and work contacts.
10. Call the Campus Violence Prevention Program at 752-3299 or the Yolo County Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Center Hotline at 661-6336.
Often these programs have cell phones directly linked to 911 that you can carry for your protection.If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action. Important papers you should take include social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children, your marriage license, leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner’s names, your checkbook, your charge cards, bank statements and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2's), and any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)
Your Personal Safety Plan
The following steps are my plan for increasing my safety and preparing to protect myself in case of further abuse. Although I can’t control my abuser’s violence, I do have a choice about how I respond and how I get to safety. I will decide for myself if and when I will tell others that I have been abused, or that I am still at risk. Friends, family and co-workers can help protect me, if they know what is happening, and what they can do to help.
To increase my safety, I can do some or all of the following:
1. When I have to talk to my abuser in person, I can___.
2. When I talk to my abuser on the phone, I can___.
3. I will make up a "code word" for my family, co-workers, or friends, so they know when to call for help for me. My code word is___.
4. When I feel a fight coming on, I will try to move to a place that is lowest risk for getting hurt such as ____or (at work) ____ or ____ . (at home) (in public)
5. I can tell my family, co-workers, boss, or a friend about my situation. I feel safe telling:___.
6. I can use an answering machine or ask my co-workers, friends or other family members to screen my calls and visitors. I have the right to not receive harassing phone calls. I can ask___or ___to help screen (home) (work) my phone calls.
7. I can keep change for phone calls with me at all times. I can call any of the following people for assistance or support if necessary and can ask them to call the police if they see my abuser bothering me.
friend____________________________________________
relative___________________________________________
co-worker________________________________________
counselor_________________________________________
shelter___________________________________________
other______________________________________
8. When leaving work I can: _______________________________________________________________.
9. When walking, riding or driving home, if problems occur, I can:______.
10. I can attend a support group for women who have been abused. Support groups are held: ______________________________ at the Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Center or the UCD Counseling Center.
11. Telephone Numbers I Need to Know:
Police Department: __________________________________
Probation Officer: ___________________________________________
UCD Campus Violence Prevention Program: 752-3299
Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Center: Hotline:662-1133
Business Office: 661-6336
Counselor: _______________________________
Clergy Person: ____________________________
Attorney: __________________________________
Other: ____________________________________
Power and Control Wheel Here
Getting Support
Domestic violence is a pervasive problem in virtually all countries, cultures, classes and income groups. It is a complex and multifaceted problem with individual solutions that are appropriate for different women in different socio-cultural contexts.
Both short and long-term measures must be considered. Short-term measures consist of assistance programs that protect the individual woman who has been or is being abused. They often focus on the critical period after a woman leaves her home, providing her with food, shelter, and guidance. This is the period when a woman is most at-risk from the perpetrator seeking retribution, or when she might return to the home out of a sense of hopelessness. Long-term measures seek to educate the public and empower the woman to re-establish her life without violence.
Any response should involve an interrelationship between the health, legal and social sectors, so that the woman is not continually referred to another agency. One innovative approach is the use of "family crisis centers," or "victim advocates" to act as the woman's link to the various sectors. Support can come in various forms:
Crisis Intervention:
crisis intervention services
crisis hot lines
shelters or other emergency residential facilities
medical services
transportation networks
laws that allow either victims or perpetrators to be removed from the home
Emotional Support:
self-help support groups
assertiveness training
self-esteem and confidence-building sessions
parenting skills courses
Advocacy and Legal Assistance:
access to and custody of children
property matters
financial support
restraining orders
public assistance benefits
help with immigration status
Other Supportive Services:
housing and safe accommodations
child care
access to community services
Important Resources:
Lenore E. Walker, The Battered Women Woman
Murray A. Straus and Richard J. Gelles, Behind Closed Doors: Violence In The American Family
Emergency Help: Getting a Protective Order
Coming Soon
Emergency Help: Domestic Violence in the Workplace
Guidelines for Survivors, Co-Workers, and Supervisors*
There are 60,000 incidents of on-the-job violence each year, and most victims know their attackers intimately. (Chicago Sun Times, 9/30/96)
What to Do . . .
If you are experiencing domestic violence:
Notify your supervisor and the human relations manager about the circumstances regarding your situation.
Discuss options available to you, e.g., scheduling, safety precautions, employee/family assistance benefits.
Submit a recent photo of the perpetrator to your safety manager in the event of a confrontation at work.
Request that all information be treated with confidence to provide for your safety and well-being.
If you are the co-worker of someone experiencing domestic violence:
If you suspect a co-worker is suffering abuse, do not directly confront her/him since it is important for an individual to self-disclose for her/his own safety and well-being.
Express concern and a willingness to listen and be supportive if needed.
Offer support by listening and assisting; when an individual is ready, she/he will confide.
If a co-worker confides in you, encourage communication with the human resources manager and her/his supervisor.
If you witness an incident at work, contact your safety manager or law enforcement immediately. Make sure that the incident is documented.
If you are the supervisor or manager of an employee who is experiencing domestic violence:
Be aware of unusual absences or behavior and take note of bruises or emotional distress.
Contact the human resources manager to discuss concerns, resources available and ways to support the employee, e.g., safety planning, employee assistance counseling, family resource referrals, flexible scheduling, security measures.
Be familiar with community resources and referrals.
Maintain confidentiality at all times; be sensitive to the seriousness of the situation.
Discuss who is appropriate to speak with the employee; agree on all forms of communication, e.g., providing the safety manager with a photo if there is a risk at work.
Assist the employee in documenting all incidents with the batterer that occur in the workplace.
Take action against domestic violence by encouraging employees to volunteer and by providing financial or in-kind support to your local domestic violence programs.
* Taken from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence web page.
